Hi,
That sounds interesting. How long is the video? Do you want feedback from children - or from Freelancers on this site? Which age group are you targeting? I can give you feedback on the story - structure, character development, dialogue, visuals, etc.
I'm a university-educated native English speaker. I have lots of experience - writing, editing, teaching creative writing, & doing manuscript consultations. I raised children and I work with children - teaching art and writing.
Please see the reviews and portfolio on my profile page. I can send you a list of edited projects and/or direct you to some of my work online if you like.
Thank you.