Hello,
I have read the first chapter of your book and I have a couple of observations to make. I hope you will not take my words as harsh, I am only trying to help.
If I understood correctly, your book is aimed at 7-9 year-olds and this is where you will probably face your biggest hurdle when trying to get your book "out there". Your writing is too mature for this age group. It is fluent, polished, eloquent, but could be overburdening for a child of that age. The topic, motives, story might be something of interest for a 7 year-old, however the choice of wording is for a more mature audience. Here is an example of what I am talking about from the very opening:
"Her neck craned, then swivelled."
It starts there and just continues throughout - "Garish fluorescent lights shone down upon this familiar scene, revealing an ugly honesty to the grumpy, pushy crowds..."
Great sentences, but too heavy for youngsters.
Since I am limited with characters here, just some quick notes:
Spelling: "She (k)new this because..." (Also that sentence should not open a new paragraph)
Punctuation: "But(,) it's one thing to demand..."
Parts need to be reorganized: " Lucille’s family was average (insert) By average, I mean that nothing particularly... (insert) Lucille was average ..."
Etc.
Running out of characters here, or I'd write some more. Anyways, I would love to work on your book. If interested, please be free to contact me.
Cheers,
F